30 October 2006

A woman's 50 rules for men

2.Don’t lie.
3.Don't put her down.
4.If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
5.If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules, “no petting.”
6.The correct answer to, “Do I look fat?” is never, ever yes.
7.Ditto for, “Is she prettier then me.”
8.Victoria’s secret is good. Frederick’s of Hollywood is bad.
9.Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
10.Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
11."Sweet heart" is good. "Hey," is bad.
12.Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
13.A grunt is not an acceptable answer to any question.
14.None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
15.Her cooking is excellent - so tell her.
16.But that isn’t an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
17.Dish soap is your friend.
18.Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
19.Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
20.Answering, “Who was that on the phone?” with, “Nobody,” is never going to end that conversation.
21.Ditto for, “Whose lipstick is this?”
22.Two words: clean socks.
23.Believe it or not, you’re not more attractive when you’re drunk.
24.Burping is not sexy.
25.You’re wrong!
26.You’re sorry!
27.She is less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
28.Ditto for your discourses on football, politics and global warming.
29.Ditto for your abilty to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
30.“Will you marry me?” is good. “Let’s shack up together" is bad.
31.Don’t assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
32.Don’t assume PMS doesn’t exist.
33.No means no. Yes means yes. Silence means anything she feels like at that moment, and it can change without notice.
4.“But we kiss...” is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don’t clean plaque with your tongue.
35.Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.
36.Chivalry and feminism are not mutually exclusive.
37.Pick her up at the airport - don’t whine - just do it.
38.If you want to break up with her - break up with her. Don’t act like a complete ass until she does it for you.
39.Don’t tell her you love her if you don’t.
40.Tell you love her if you do - often.
41.Always suck up to her brother.
42.Lose the gut.
43.Stand up straight.
44.Remember Valentine’s Day and any other anniversary she names.
45.Don’t try to change the way she dresses.
46.Her haircut is never bad.
47.Don’t let your friends pick on her.
48.Don't let any man diss her.
49.Don't borrow money from her.
50.Stay employed.

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